Truth
by EE's Skysong
Summary: Axel felt obligated to be nice to Xion and Namine because no one was ever kind to them. But who's left to be kind to him when everything's said and done? 358/2 spoilers. No particular pairing.


Disclaimer: "The best strategy is to be entirely unpredictable."

(An: IMO, Axel is the hardest character to write. So what did I do? I wrote a damn oneshot about him. It was supposed to be for a contest, but instead it turned into something utterly depressing... Go figure.)

_The beautiful thing about not having a heart is that you never change. I mean, think about it. How can you? Yes, you can change your mind, but you can never, say, fall out of love with someone. If all you have is the memory of your feelings for someone, what could ever alter them?_

O-o-O-o-O

The beauty of being an outsider on the inside is that you can do whatever you like, and everyone will always assume that someone higher up ordered you to do it. Axel was never quite sure how he convinced everyone that he was unshakeably loyal, but it worked, and so, somehow, he managed to get Naminé out of Castle Oblivion. Just for a day.

Actually, the hardest part was convincing her to come with him. It was before Marluxia and Larxene's treachery had come clear, so Axel was still on good terms with them—which meant that Larxene told him everything they were doing, which meant Axel knew when they would be off reporting to the Superior.

Naminé was by herself, sorting through a pile of drawings. She didn't look up when Axel came up behind her, but she stiffened. "Relax," he said in that quiet tone he always found himself using around her. He didn't know why he got so—_soft—_around Naminé, but it happened. Maybe because no one else was nice to her. Even Sora was only kind because he didn't know who she truly was. "It's just me."

Naminé looked up at him, blue eyes wide, and quickly returned her eyes to her drawing. She was so skittish—what had Larxene been doing to her? Axel knelt down next to her. "Poor little bird," he sighed. "At least it's a pretty cage." Naminé's eyes flicked to him, but she still didn't speak. She hardly ever did. Axel reached over and moved a drawing to reveal a picture of Sora and Riku on the beach. "You know, Destiny Islands has the most beautiful beaches in any of the worlds I've ever been to." Naminé's eyes flicked to him again: wide, frightened, lovely. "Of course I've been there. You'd be surprised where I've traveled."

Naminé touched the drawing, biting her lower lip. Slowly, her eyes came to Axel's and held them this time. "You've really visited it?" Axel nodded, smiling calmly. He likes who he is around her—he is never this... gentle. "Is it..." She hesitated. Time here has taught her to never speak her mind. Axel stayed very still. He wished there was something he could say to convince her he was different, but so far only stillness and quiet worked. But her curiousity overcame her fear this time. "Is it really as beautiful as it is in Sora's memories?"

Axel tilted his head to the side. It was strange to hear her talk about memories. All the other Nobodies spoke of their memories differently—with contempt or love or longing—but they all treated their recollections as infallible. Naminé was different. "Why wouldn't it be?"

Naminé looked down at her drawings again, a small frown tugging at her lips. "Memories lie. You know that."

Axel looked at her for a moment, then got to his feet. He hadn't been sure about doing this when he got here. He never liked making up his mind ahead of time; it meant people could guess what he was thinking. But now... there was really no other option. "Would you like to see for yourself?" He turned his back on her so he couldn't see her face and held out his hand, summoning a portal through the dark. "It's all fixed now, you know. Very pretty."

Naminé stayed still: though Axel couldn't see her, he could sense it. Was hope a feeling? Could she have any without a heart? After a moment, she got to her feet and walked up behind him. "I want to," she whispered. "Just for a moment. I want... something real. Something of my own to remember."

Axel's lips twitched. "Don't we all, sweetheart." She slipped her hand into his. Axel glanced down at her, but Naminé was looking at her sandals, trembling.

It was twilight on the islands: the beaches were empty and stretched out forever either way. The smell of the sea always calmed Axel, but it frightened Naminé: she stood back by the portal and did not approach, even as Axel walked up to the edge of the water and let the waves lap at his boots. "What's the matter, little bird?" he asked, bending to scoop up a seashell. Roxas would like that. He kept his eyes on the shell as he spoke. "Afraid to spread your wings?"

Naminé made a soft noise. He heard her doing something but didn't turn to look. After a moment, two sets of bare toes appeared in his line of sight. Axel straightened up. Naminé stood in the water, her face tilted back toward the stars. Slowly, her arms came up around herself, and her eyes drifted shut. "...It smells like home," she whispered.

He wished he had a heart at that moment, so it could break to look at her, so fragile in the new light. She didn't deserve to be treated like this, to be used to shatter her hero. Didn't everyone deserve a bit of kindness, even a Nobody? He slid an arm around her thin shoulders, and they stood there together until the light faded into darkness.

O-o-O-o-O

_Saix says I'm a soft touch, that I get too attached to things. I ask him how I can get attached to things that never really existed—he never answers that. _

_I think he's right, though._

O-o-O-o-O

When Axel looked at Xion, he wished he could forget the truth. Just for a moment, so he could see her as Roxas did—as her own person, not a creation. She had developed a personality, but she was still... Vexen _made her_. That made a difference. And Axel wished it didn't.

Either way, there was never really a choice. How could you choose between two things that were two steps removed from real to begin with? But Roxas... Roxas was the only one who made Axel feel like a decent person. Even Naminé just made Axel feel more hollow because—well, she'd influenced him, but she hadn't made him nice enough to actually help her. And that just proved how useless he was.

There was never a chance for Xion, not really. And that's why Axel kept his promise and took her to the beach.

He only stumbled on her by chance. He was looking for her, after all, though his version of looking involved popping in on a random world and popping out as quickly as possible. What Roxas didn't know wouldn't hurt him.

And then... there she was. Sitting on a bench in Twilight Town with her head in her hands. It was impossible to mistake her for Naminé now: she was her own person and no one else. _She's still a thing_, Saix told Axel in his head. _She is Organization property,_ the Superior chimed in.

Axel ignored them. He could just... turn around and pretend he'd never seen her. He'd been lying to Roxas this entire time; he'd have no problem saying no when Roxas asked. But... this wasn't just about Roxas anymore. Xion deserved better than being ignored.

Axel sighed and closed the portal. He walked up behind her slowly, taking no care to be quiet or to stay out of her possible line of sight. If she fled, he would not pursue; he would just go home. Luxord would like this, say it was only fair to leave it to a roll of the dice. Axel knew he was just a coward. Things had already changed so much. He had horrible suspicions about what Xion might do, and what those actions would change, and he was afraid.

He just wanted to keep Roxas around. Was that too much to ask?

Shaking his head, Axel sat down next to her. Xion gasped and jerked away from him. Axel just looked at the permanent sunset, his eyes half-lidded. He kept still, just like he had with Naminé. Slowly, Xion relaxed. Axel still didn't look at her. "It's been a while, Xion," he said after a moment. "I was getting worried."

Xion swallowed and looked down at her feet. "I know," she whispered. "But I..." She paused, and then slowly she shook her head and drew her hood over her head, so he could only see her lips. Did she still have a face under it? She must. Her voice was barely a breath. "Why are you here, Axel?"

He wanted to tell her about Roxas—how Roxas had cared about nothing but her since the moment she'd shown up, how Axel just wanted his friend to smile. How he just wanted there to be no secrets between them again. But that wasn't going to happen. Instead, he got to his feet. "This is a bad place to talk." He put his hands behind his head. "Why don't we go to the beach? The sun'll be rising there."

Xion looked at him for a moment, then away. "...I've been there already," she said softly. "It's just as pretty as it is in—" She paused and broke off. Axel looked at her and wished he could tell her that he already knew what she was going to say, how she was going to speak of Sora's memories. Why else would she be hiding?

But there was no point in it. "You've never been with me." He glanced at her. "We said we would, remember?" Xion flinched. Axel just looked at her steadily. He didn't want to hurt her—but did it really matter? She didn't have anything to hurt. She didn't even have someone else who did have a heart: she was just a copy of someone who'd never had one in the first place.

It _did_ matter. He had to believe that. There was no point in living otherwise. Axel opened a dark corridor, feeling a sudden sense of deja vu. "It's been a while since I've been to the beach with a pretty girl," he said, smiling in a way that was almost sincere. "Come on, Xion, humor me. Otherwise, I just gotta go back to the clock tower and say, 'No, buddy, I ain't seen her. What about you?'"

Xion lifted her head, her expression caught between surprise and gratefulness. "...You won't tell him?" she asked softly. "I just... don't want him to know, that's all." She turned away. "He's the only one who doesn't, and I want it to stay that way, okay, Axel?"

"Will you come with me if I say yes?" Xion turned away from him and crossed her arms over her chest, but she nodded slowly. "Yes. Come on." Xion turned back to him and followed him through.

It _was_ sunrise, and there was nobody there again. Axel looked in either direction at the sand, feeling the same sense of deja vu. Xion and Naminé were different—weren't they? Well, he had helped them both against the Organization's wishes, so it really didn't make a difference. Axel sat down and took off his gloves so he could dig his hands into the sand. It was just warming up: the early morning sun turned it pink instead of white.

Slowly, Xion sat down beside him. She pulled her knees up to her chest. "...I know I should come back," she said slowly. "But... no matter what I do, everything has to change. And I don't want that. I just want it all to go back to the way it was."

Axel scooped up a handful of sand and let it drain through his fingers, watching it with a forced impassive expression. "Nobody cares what we want, Xion," he said, his voice scarcely more than a breath. Xion looked at him, but Axel just watched the sand.

O-o-O-o-O

_I want to believe that some things are true no matter what people say about them, that some things _exist_, in a place where nothing can touch them. If I cannot be real, then truth, beauty, justice—all of those things _must_ be. _

_I can't go on like this otherwise. _

_O-o-O-o-O_

The last time he went to the beach, he went by himself. There was no one to go with him.

"I feel nothing," he said to the setting sun, putting his hands in his pockets. "Roxas is gone, and I don't care. I am physically incapable of caring." The words felt hollow, like his chest. Like his life. What did he have left anymore? Naminé had vanished after Marluxia's defeat: Axel could look for her, but what was the point? His only hope would be that she could lead him to Roxas, and Roxas... Roxas was gone. Swallowed up again.

"He's whole," Axel said softly, still addressing the sunset. "You should be happy for him, you bastard." Slowly, Axel sank to his knees. "But I just... I don't care."

So this was what it meant to be a Nobody. You had nothing that belonged to you. All you had were the things you believed—but those weren't real either, were they?

Axel's hands clenched into fists. "Yes, they are," he whispered. "They _are_." He looked up at the sky. The sun had already disappeared below the horizon; it was the first time he had lingered after sunset. The beach was dark and lonely without sunlight; his words were as hollow as his chest.

(This version of Axel is much too nice. I apologize.)


End file.
